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Just For Fun

5 Necessary Home Security Devices for Any Supervillain’s Lair

May 22nd, 2012

It’s a given that any supervillain will have a pretty sweet home security system. (If you don’t have a home security system, you can always get one free from Protect America. Alright, end of plug. The shameless, shameless plug.) Along with spies and superheroes trying to thwart their plans, supervillains generally have art and other valuables worth protecting from opportunistic criminals. (You may be wondering who would be stupid enough to steal from hardened criminals but that was at least half the plot of The Dark Knight.)

Putting together a home security system capable of defending against criminals, police, the military, and people with super powers is going to be a little more expensive than the average home security set up. Despite the higher level technology and cost, a security system for any supervillain’s home will have to include these basic devices.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Believe it or not, everything on this list is legal. It’s tempting to discuss trapdoors that lead to a pit full of sharks but that would lead to a lot of trouble. In general, it’s illegal to automate any process that can harm another person. Want to rig a shot gun to a tripwire? Yeah, that’s going to be an expensive legal bill, even if it doesn’t hurt anyone. Be smart and do your research before constructing that room with the retractable wall spikes.

Smoke Cloak

This is where any budding supervillain needs to start. In life, things rarely look as cool as they do in movies. Unfortunately, home security is no exception. Most home alarm systems are pretty straightforward and boring but the Smoke Cloak isn’t your typical home security solution.

It’s better.

That’s footage of the Smoke Cloak in action at a bank. As you can see, the idea is pretty simple: You can’t steal what you can’t see. Once activated, the Smoke Cloak unleashes a torrent of non-toxic smoke that can fill up an entire house, if necessary. Putting a Smoke Cloak in your home is basically the closest you’ll get to an actual supervillain lair. The only thing better would be some type of robot…

Home Security Robots

Oh yeah, they totally have home security robots!

Most of the commercially available home security robots won’t be the real-life manifestation of the Terminator that many of our readers are hoping for. Instead, these self-functioning robots do simple home security related tasks, such as detecting intruders and patrolling pre-programmed areas.


Advancements in robotics and home security could give us cybernetic sentries in the near future but, in the meantime, it’s probably best to be happy with what we’ve got. So far, the coolest robot being used for home security is the Parrot AR Drone. Though not a robot in the traditional sense, the AR Drone does allow users to remotely control a drone as it flies and captures footage on a digital camera. Users can take either still shots or a few minutes of video.

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Door Jambs

Security starts at the front door. While this might seem obvious, the number of people that forget to lock their doors is quite astonishing. Supervillains and other bad guys need their front doors more secure than the rest of us. Fortunately, the solution is actually pretty simple. (Other than not committing crimes…)

Door jambs are devices that prevent doors from being opened with force. A fairly common home security solution, door jambs are offered by a large number of companies, like Door Security Pro and EZ Armor. Door jambs vary in effectiveness, depending on cost and quality. Most door jambs will prevent burglars from kicking in your door but some commercially available models can stop battering rams. Here’s a quick video montage showing just how effective door jamb devices can be:

Laser Fence

It’s a known fact that ANY word in the English language can be made infinitely cooler by adding the word, “laser”. Try it out. The word “pencil” sounds boring. A “laser pencil”, on the other hand, sounds awesome. I don’t even need to know what a “laser pencil” does but I know it’s got to be cool. (Even if I just made it up…)

The same principle applies to laser fences but with more useful (and less spectacular) results. A laser fence utilizes beams of light to detect when an intruder has crossed a specific boundary. When an entity disrupts the continuous beam, a signal is sent to a control panel and an event is triggered. Sometimes this event is an alarm, other times it’s rigged to something like The Mosquito. Either way, laser fences are pretty cool but, ultimately, they have problems we’ve documented here before. Here’s a video of a laser fence in action but, keep in mind, they don’t actually look this awesome. To actually see the laser, some additional work is necessary, like a fog machine.

Interactive Home Security Video Cameras (with Thermal Imaging Options)

Home security video cameras are such an obvious necessity for any supervillain’s home security that we almost didn’t include them on this list. Video cameras are incredibly useful for preventing burglaries and solving crimes. When used at larger properties, video cameras can help keep track of guests and maintenance workers.

For supervillains, the uses of home security cameras are nearly endless. They can be used to gather valuable blackmail material or to simply watch as the hero walks into a trap. We don’t suggest average customers use their home security cameras in this way but we’d be remiss if we didn’t discuss the possibility. (AGAIN: Don’t use your home security cameras for evil! Sure, it seems like a good idea but it will come back to bite you in the end. Cameras are a great way of collecting evidence and using yours to record your nefarious deeds will typically result in a better case for the prosecution.)

Features are the main difference between a home video security camera used by supervillains and those used by the common consumer. Most homes will probably never need thermal imaging and facial recognition software. If you’re a supervillain, who knows? From one week to the next, your enemy and friends can change. When you’re ultimate goal is world domination (or at least A LOT of ill-gotten gains), it’s helpful to just follow your Boy Scout training and “Be Prepared.”

Thinking about home security? With a property crime occurring every 3.7 seconds, its important to know that you are 33% less likely to be broken into with a home security system. We provide monitored security at lowest price in the industry, $19.99/mo, and up to $1,400 in free equipment. Get Started Now
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