The Hobbit Home Alarm Solution
Seriously, Sauron? Listen. We know you have an all-seeing eye wreathed in flame, but it’s still an eye. What’s the point of being the Dark Lord of Mordor and creator of the One Ring if you can only shift your gaze from one area to the next? You’re busy, you have Orc mouths to feed, conquer Middle Earth, etc. so why not take a second to secure Mount Doom? After all, if a dark army and nine undead Ring Wraiths can’t keep two hobbits out of Mordor, it’s time to invest in a home alarm. Speaking of your eye: a security camera or two around the kingdom could really help you look things over. Let’s face it, you can’t be everywhere at once and should probably spend more time concentrating on growing a body instead of just being a large flaming eyeball. The cameras are wireless and you can view live footage through your smartphone or even a tablet.
You don’t have to go to the mines of Moria
to find a solution for home security or even evil fortress security. It’s right here. Think about it – trolls have too much time on their hands anyway and could easily install a door or two in the entrance to the mountain. Put a wireless sensor on each door and you’re done! No one’s even getting near the fires of Mount Doom without you knowing about it. But let’s backtrack a little, shall we? Each of our packages comes with a Wireless Motion Detector, so why not place a couple along the mountain passes? You’ll know immediately when someone is trying to sneak by, and not even a slithery loin cloth-wearing creature like Gollum would be able to pass undetected. Think it would be too far away to work? Think again. Our Repeaters expand the reach of your home alarm’s wireless signal and can cover areas as long as Gandalf’s beard.
Can we talk about Saruman the White for a second?
We know he’s your right-hand man and everything, but we have some issues (besides the fact that he wears white after Labor Day). We’re not trying to say anything, but those blue ADT signs outside of his Isengard fortress didn’t exactly stop the Ents from invading. He didn’t even see them coming, and they’re walking trees. Trees. We’re not even sure you should worry about the Ring once we’ve secured your fortress. It’s… a ring. Don’t they know your Protect America keychain can arm and disarm your whole fortress with the click of a button? It even has a panic feature in case the Elves show up again. One keychain to rule them all, that’s what people are saying these days. Our wireless home security solutions are perfect for any house or kingdom – whether you’re securing a family and pets or three million Orcs, the ghosts of nine Kings, hundreds of trolls and some pretty sweet armor. Now that’s peace of mind, my precious.
By Tim Krebs Google