It was a dreary winter day. The ground lay wet with puddles of rain-gone-by as polar winds whipped mercilessly around Protect America corporate headquarters. How fitting that this would be the day we experienced one of the worst fashion disasters in company history. Ugly Sweater Day was upon us.

Atrocities in Cotton

Security professionals flocked into our offices wearing what can only be described as crimes against style and taste. Knitted gingerbread men lay perilously on day-glow red sweaters and cheap tinsel horrendously adorned cardigans as our eyeballs were assaulted again and again. Equally horrifying were the expressions of glee on the faces of those who subjected our staff to these fashion nightmares.

Versace rolled in his grave as Protect America team members strolled down a makeshift catwalk – each competing for prizes and the title of ‘ugliest sweater’. A Christmas tree glittered in the background as a particularly enthusiastic participant proudly wore a leopard print sweater which happened to match her leopard print pants.

Somewhere, a snowman was crying.

From the Deepest Corners of Every Closet

One can only imagine the dark, shadowy depths of dresser drawers where these sweaters reside all other 364 days of the year. How lonely and cold they must be. Regardless, team members were itching (literally) to “don their apparel”. Look below to see for yourself:

As you can see, no corners were cut here. Bells were glued, elves were sewed on, and radioactive colored reindeer danced across these cotton masterpieces. A popular piece of fashion advice has always been to “edit”, but who knew doing the complete opposite was so much fun?

Some of us looked as if we rolled around in the spirit of Christmas, picking up delightful little trinkets in the process. One sweater looked like a Christmas colored Picasso painting that melted in the most spectacular of ways. A judge could only look on and say “That’s…. a choice.”

Wishing You the Happiest of Holidays

We might be great at picking out ugly holiday sweaters, but we’re even better at dedicating ourselves to homes and families across the country. As we hang our stockings and cuddle up by the fire, we hope this special season is your most wonderful one yet. If there is anything we can do to make your home happier for the holidays, don’t hesitate to let us know! After all, that’s why we’re here.