Burglary is a serious crime, and we take our job very seriously at Protect America. However, sometimes it’s best to lighten up the mood and just have a good laugh. That’s why we decided to compile a list of the top ten things a burglar will never tell you. Hope you enjoy!

1) “I see you’ll be out of town Monday through Friday next week on Facebook. Is it better to rob you on Tuesday or Wednesday?”

2)  “I absolutely hate neighbors that pay attention to what’s going on in the neighborhood. Oh, yeah, and dogs too.”

3) “My favorite house on the block is the home that never turns its lights on. I know it looks a little creepy with those overgrown hedges, but it’s the perfect hiding spot.”

4) “I check your mailbox every few days to see if it’s piling up; if it is, I assume it’s going to be a lot easier to break into your home.”

5) “If I knock and no one answers the door, I’ll try to open it. It feels like Christmas morning when it actually opens.”

6) “That amazing alarm system you have that deters me from breaking into your home is completely useless if you never set it. Just sayin’.”

7) “That new picture you posted on Twitter of your diamond necklace is beautiful. Now I know you’re definitely worth robbing.”

8) “You should keep your blinds open at night more often. I love mapping out exactly what I’m going to steal from your home.”

9) “You keep a spare key under the mat/in the very obviously fake and hollow rock on the ground/above your front door? You should totally keep doing that!”

10) “You should hide your valuables in your kid’s room. I’m never going to go in there. Legos aren’t worth quite as much as your diamond jewelry.”

There you have it, folks– ten things that a burglar will absolutely never tell you. Still don’t have a home security system? Contact Protect America at 888-951-5136 to get a free quote or fill out the form on the right.